Fifty Shades of Blargh
Opening shot of film is even grey. Ugh.
He has a wardrobe like a simpsons character.
Ana is blue - blue eyes, car, umbrella, cardigan, bowls, notebook?!, lift!
Initially reduces Ana's co-dependence on her BFF from book
Women who work for him are dressed in grey, white work space. All blonde/brown hair
Ana is clumsy, shy, why did she even agree to do this interview? I wouldn't.
WTF is his accent meant to be
He sits high, she sits low
He's already rude, 'seriously' at a ques., she didn't write
Already flirting about control - creepy, they've just met
Ana is at Uni - yet comes across as dim, uneducated
Her BFFs notes include that he's adopted but not about his business?
She is literally sat with a pencil in her mouth but totally asks ques. bravely that no one would ask
UGH. Read more books. She is a lit. student. I don't know about US curriculum but in UK out of Bronte, Austen and Hardy I only did Hardy at A Level. No other. They seem very rudimentary and narrow for him to ask which ones made her love lit. I know it's so she can say Hardy for Tess of the D'Urbervilles - for creepy dominant rape comparison - and so he can say he would have guessed Austen so HE can make comparison to douchey-bad past equals arsehole Darcy comparison but from a studying Eng. POV it doesn't make sense and two are stereotypical female authors for women to like. I'm more of a Wilde girl myself.
Ana is so pretty, odd she thinks so little of herself. I'm ugly but I think I'm bitchin'
SO much blue for Ana. Is it cause she's calm? Depressed? Dull?
Ana acts so unnaturally, talks weirdly, even for a shy 20 odd woman
BFF takes her sandwich, she lets her like its happened before - Ana is v. passive. Women talk about having a Mr Grey but not about being Ana. Want to be dominated in bed but not rest of time?
Film is full of 'nice guys' too
Her saying 'What the f-' seems so out of character
Do you really use masking tape in BDSM? Is it so it can be red? Stop sacrifing logic for films!
Why ask if she's a girl scout when she can tie knots?! She works in a hardware store!! There is a display on knots right there!!
Oh it's so she can say she's shy and reads books
As a book reading, shy, quiet introvert I take offence to being this stereotype - ESPECIALLY when it implies I need a man to dominate me. Fuck You.
Girl needs Feminism.
Haha nice serial killer joke! Lol!
Don't DIY naked! Files! Saws! Argh.
Dude who works with her asked to pack one bag of nthing for her I know it's so he can be jealous but it's creepy and rude
Now he's jealous over a 2nd random guy in her life. Creepy assumption any man she knows has to date her.
The grey/blue colour scheme is VERY over handed
"Are you romantic?" "Well I'm studying English lit. so I'd have to be." WHAT?! As someone who studied lit. as my favourite topic you SO do not. Plus so many books that are classics that are said to be romantic are so, so, so not and teach bad ideas about romance. She's so failing her class.
Good thing he saved her getting hit by a bike else she'd have obviously died!!
"I have to let you go now." You have only met three times!
Oh my god. When he sends her TotD the quote he uses, meant to be a joke that he is into BDSM, is actually very literally about Tess having a go at her mother that she never warned her that Alec might RAPE her like he did.
Also creepy af that of all Hardy's books he sends them with a quote from a book about (Spoilers for Tess of the D'Urbervilles - a book that came out a century ago but still) a rapist, a naive girl who gets impregnated, murders her rapist and then gets hung for her crimes.
Has E.L. James read the book? I assume as that quote is post-rape. Did she think Austen parallels were too cliche?!
Only time Ana is 'loud' is when she's drunk?! Also why is he acting like she needs rescuing from her being drunk?!
How is ANY of this romance?!
Why does this keep happening?!
Why dowe keep getting books with total arseholes as the epitome of women's male ideal?! See: Heatchliff etc.
Blue is so heavy handed. It's happening to me!!!
Really? Alice in Wonderland reference. About a child.... Again bit creepy.
"I didn't have much choice." About undressing her?! And that goes unquestioned?!
He just compared blacked out Ana to dead Ana. WTF.
Victim blaming a girl who did... nothing. Again unquestionaed. Apparently it turns her on?! UGH.
"You wouldn't understand." Fuck you. Rude. You know nothing about her.
Maybe if Ana paid more attention to Tess she'd know how to spot the signs of a dominant creep. See: Alec and strawberries and her lips and him. "I want to bite your lips."
Met four times, barely, before he kisses her without asking, forcefully, and after saying "Fuck the paperwork"... Are you for real?
He walks in on his brother naked, having sex on a sofa and acts like whatever, it's nothing?
Do we ever find out, like we do in the book, that he traced the GPS on her phone to find her?! (Note: If we did I missed it)
Literally so much blue.
Now HE is in a blue suit. Welldone girl who hooked yourself an abuser!
"No escaping now." - Things serial killers say.
Is flying a helicopter meant to be sexy?
His accent is so off putting, the Belfast creeps in so much.
I used to find Jamie D attractive, once upon a time and all that, but nothing is more unattractive than him saying "I don't make love. I fuck. Hard."
Honestly his red room just looks like it would be exhausting. Who cleans it up? I feel sorry for who does.
"I do it it women - with women - women who want me to!" Calm down, you don't care about sounding like a creepy rapist the rest of the time.
She doesn't know what a dominant is. How utterly sheltered is Ana? She's in Uni ffs.
At least now if you want to get sexual pleasure out of violently hurting women you can call it a kink and be told you don't get it if you disagree with it. Sigh.
In Twilight, seems as this is fanfiction of it, she's in high school so it makes sense she's a virgin but holding onto this ideal of women being pure only if they're virgins means he's now "rectifying" a 20 year old's "situation". Sorry to 20+ virgins.
Even her underwear is blue, and matching. Now that's unrealistic as hell.
Did he buy blue bedsheets to fit her colour scheme?
Did he just forcefully thrust himself into her?? Dude you do not do that to virgins!! Be slow, gentle, I don't care about BDSM that's basic manners.
His blue top matches his bed sheets. Just sayin'.
There is no soap on that sponge. He literally put a wet sponge on her all sexily. Nothing about this film is sexy.
Knowing that Dornan and Johnson don't like each other makes the sex scenes so awkward.
Oh the Belfast creeps in when he says mother.
I hope everyone whose surname is a colour decorates their rooms to match.
He's 27. He's had 15 woman subs. Does he get rid of one a year? What makes them leave? Is it cause he's a dick, cause he is.
So now Ana has a backbone. Well of course apparently sex makes a girl a woman (spoilers: it doesn't) so now she stands up for herself.
Sorry Christian I'm sure your ex-dom has heard the Mrs Robinson joke before.
He's saying he gaveup control but he was a teenager... he didn't have much to give up.
When he says 'laters baby' he sounds like a robot trying to imitate humans.
Why is she wearing white now she's with him? Colouring is odd.
Does he have to choose her healthcare? I'msure he doesn't. That's very very bad controlling. Also why does it have to be the pill? What if it's not right for her? Does her family have a history for heart disease? Does he even care.
So much of this contract is hideous.
Why would googling submissive got straight to sex images? (Note: It really does, parents please remember to have safe search programs in place)
As someone who adores pink I own clothes with other colours. Branch out Ana.
Did he go to scouts to learn how to do knots?
Yeah I always find it sexy when a guy takes off my socks.
For a guy who in the books says he'd never done "vanilla sex" until her he sure does do it a lot now.
How this guy got 16 women to get with him I have zero idea.
'Grey House' is super unoriginal
Can she even read that in the dark?
Does she even go to class? Have we even see her reading. I mean we can see she can read.
"What are butt plugs?" It's in the name but yeah a cheap laugh. Hah.
This is the tamest BDSM relationship ever.
"Cable ties"- Things serial killers use.
If her blushing means she has adrenaline flowing through her then according to the books she might have a medical problem with her adrenal gland considering how red her cheeks always are.
Did he just compare poverty and starvation to wanting to get laid?!
I think she's only worn three outsides with no blue so far.
Do they not make these cars in blue? Did he sell her car without asking?! That's out of line.
Boyfriends you've known for two seconds should not be making you cry.
Her joke about not being able to have sex when starting the pill shows he doesn't know enough about it to be in charge of who prescribes it. Also for what he does to her the least he could is read the leaflet the pill comes with.
Who taught him how to do plaits? Weird.
Tying a woman's hands above her head - things serial killers do.
These sex scenes are literally so boring.
Sniffing a woman's underwear in front of her - things serial killers do.
Even his Mum hires nameless blonde women.
I think this place is from an episode of Supernatural, it at least looks identical.
Ideas of fixing broken men is so toxic and dangerous.
His poor mother. A crack addicted prostitute. Nevermind you Christian it sounds like she had a rough life.
Being angry because she's with her famiy and not you and almost stopping her going is what abusers do - they isolate their victims
Also turning up uninvited and having her not be pleased = bad
"She's a child abuser". Yep.
Mother telling her it doesn't get easier, her relationship is brand new, they should be so happy and annoying
This overdramatic music does not fit. At. All.
It's a good thing he's up in the middle of the night, playing sad music else I wouldn't know he's such a tortured soul.
If there's no contract (yet) and it's not a BDSM relationship isn't it just abuse? All of it.
"I'm 50 shades of fucked up". Is this a universe where '50 shades' of anything is a saying? I know it's our universe now sadly but it never used to be.
Literally this isn't the worst pain or whatever Ana.
Never show this girl internet porn.
Nevermind Feminism - these two need Jesus.
Literally do not understand how the whipping scene was meant to be like the worst? Is it worse in the book?
The one time she says no and thoroughly meant it and he looks like someone hit him, for a change. Is it because no one ever says no to him or because it's the first time he's really heard it?
Aaaaaand thank god that is over. There's an hour and a half I'll never get back.
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